10 Confessions today.
I confess.... I LOVE this show too much.
Chad and I watched the 2 Seasons of " Duck Dynasty" in 2 weeks.
I can't think of another show that has been such a great de-stresser each night after the Christmas hoopla. This show is pure genius. What a fun family the Robertson's are.
I love the values they have and teach.. and how F-U-N-N-Y they each are.
Even though I don't want to live their redneck life... I would love to hang out with them for a weekend. This show is Epic. Watch it. ~ And the more you watch it.. the better it gets.
( And have you seen Willie and Jase without their beards? They are young and HOT! )
I confess.. garbage day is a happy day.
I am obsessed with filling my recycle and garbage cans to the top each week.
2 weeks ago.. we were too busy -- and forgot to get everything cleaned out of the house.. and the garbage man came early.
It ate at me for an entire week.
Why in the world is it so fulfilling to see so much crap leave my house each week?
Not sure.. but it is.
I confess... I hate e-mailed Christmas cards.
I know this is dangerous.. putting such a thing on here... so without getting myself into too much trouble saying in detail of what I think of it.. I will stop here.. and only say.. if you are too cheap to mail a written Christmas card and put a stamp on it... don't bother sending me a card via e-mail.
Yes.. call me a Grinch if you want to.. but I think it's tacky with a capital "T."
I confess.... I have listened to The Killers/ Brandon Flowers more than Christmas music this year.
Was not intentional.. I just love me some Brandon Flowers vocals. I can't get enough of it.
I confess.... I have thrown away treats left on my porch anonymously.
This isn't just rooted from my germaphobia.. but also.. what if someone is trying to poison my family? If I don't know the source of where it came from.. -- to the garbage it goes.
Harsh? maybe.. but just keeping it real here.
I confess... baby *wishing* talk hurts.
Chad and I always thought we would have 4 children.. and then my back issue was found.
It took me a lot of grieving.. and time and prayer to wonder what to do.
After I finally feel whole and complete with accepting my situation.. and making peace with it.. someone in the family brings it up again.
Christian whines often about wanting a brother.. and has done this a whole lot recently.
It literally kills me.
I know Chad wanted at least one more as well.. and this makes me feel like I have failed my family.
It isn't just being pregnant part that would be hard.. it's the after.
I literally can't carry babies around at all.
If I hold one.. it's best to be sitting.. or I pay for it later.
Pretty much.. it feels like I am living in a 70 year olds body.
I am trying to stay active.. and do my best to be here for my family right now.
I don't want to be a "bedridden" mom.
In the last 2 weeks... the " why can't you have another baby?" talk has been brought up so many times.. and each time it feels like someone is picking open a oozing wound in my heart.
Christian even asked me if I would adopt so he could have a brother.
I guess he doesn't understand what babies/children entail.
This last week.. I was so depressed about it.. I thought of all of the reasons I would be better off dead.. than alive. Chad could remarry someone better/younger/prettier/skinnier than me.. without a crippled body.. and my son would have the chance to get himself a brother.
Ya.. I seriously went there.
I confess.... I love baby Lia.
I get my baby *fixes* from my nieces and nephews.
Last week we watched Linkin and Lia for Chris and Danielle.. so they could see the Hobbit.
It melted my heart to see Lia cry and whine for anyone but me.
She loved me.. and would get excited when she saw me.. and it seriously was the medicine I needed that day -- after so much of this " I want a brother" talk.
I am grateful for Chad and Tenney that helped me babysit.. because I really couldn't do it alone.
After Lia left.. I wondered how I am going to be as a Grandmother.
Will I be able to hold my Grandbabies?
I don't want to even think about not being able to help my children out.
Sometimes I think about things too much.. and pre-worry to much. I know.
Sometimes I want to whine about my husband only having Christmas DAY off this year.. and having to work the rest of the days.. and then I remind myself -- of how lucky I am that he is here.. in our home working.
SUCH a blessing.. and even if he wasn't home.. I need to remind myself to quit whining.. because he has a job. ~ And we have known too many times what it's like to not have one.
I'm Grateful for reminders to Count my Blessings.
I confess.... I am numb about the Connecticut shootings.
It's too horrific for me to even talk about -- so I won't.
But...I am tired of people blaming the horrific crime on guns. Or the school. Or whatever.
My Mom works at one of the largest school districts in Utah.. and she has had complaints about almost anything and everything coming in.
She told us that a person actually called them and asked them to remove all windows in the schools.
People are crazy.
Alcohol kills more people than any other substance/weapon in the world.
There are never cries to ban that.
Our society is a mess. A freaking huge mess.
I cut back on Christmas cards this year.. and then ran out.
I didn't have enough.
Oops! No worries though... I hand wrote some store bought ones.
No Christmas card e-mails being sent from here... thank you very much!
Today I am Grateful for:
My friends that love me in spite of my faults and weaknesses.
Presents I am giving out. I can't wait for my friends/family to open them!
The most heart felt and thoughtful gifts I have been given this year.
Long distance Phone calls
Snuggles by the Fire with Chad and the kids...