Dad's Birthday

 

Oh how I miss my Dad.

 

I thought "time" would help me -- but it still hurts like it did the week he left us.

 

There is always a "longing" for his presence.. and I am not sure that wound will heal until we are all reunited again -- together.

 

I woke up yesterday morning with the Beatles " When I'm 64" going through my head.

 

I called my Mom and asked how old Dad would be... and sure enough.. 64.

 

My Dad LOVED that Beatles song.. and when we bought Beatles Rock Band many years ago.. he was sad that it wasn't on there.. and asked me to purchase it.

 

Waking up to the song yesterday -- was a great reminder to me that Dad is still very much with us.

 

And listening to that song... and many others that Dad loved had me weepy all throughout the day.

 

My Dad LOVED his Birthday and Fathers Day.  I think that's why those days are so hard.. because he loved them so very much. 

 

Yesterday morning... I decided to celebrate the Day for Dad.

I wanted some alone time--- so I could reflect on everything.. and let my emotions flow freely -- as I needed.  In the Evening.. we would meet together as a family.

 

It's kinda tricky -- grieving still.  I feel like I have to "hide" my grieving still sometimes.

 

Unless friends and family  have experienced such a great a loss themselves.. they get tired of hearing it. 

 

While I know first hand that listening to a person that is grieving can be tiring.... I feel the need to be honest here--on my blog.. as this is my Journal.. and record -- for my Posterity. 

 

 ~ And when my posterity will one day go through the trial of experiencing the death of a much loved family member.... I want them to know that the true and raw pain and sorrow is super hard, and sometimes even feels crippling to us.. but we have to move forward.  I can choose to lie in bed all day and be depressed.. or I can get up.. focus on my daily blessings..seek for peace..enjoy the happy moments to the fullest.. and cling to  Hope and Faith for the Future.

 

I started the morning at the Cemetery.

 

I talked to Dad.. and openly weeped.

 

I told him how I still struggle with his early death.. and even though I know he was needed on the other side.. I still struggle with Anger some days.. that he was taken from us.

 

I told him that I long for him each day.

I told him that I know he is probably ashamed at me -- and he can see how imperfect I am daily.. but I try to be better each day.. and I hope to live a life that he would be proud of me one day.

 

 I cried and cried. 

 

It was therapeutic.

 

After the cemetery... I went over to visit my friend Wendy before she heads back to her home in Canada.

Oh I love Wendy.  ~ And probably many of you blog readers do too.  She is so funny.. and real.. and that's why I love her.  A good friend is one that you can laugh AND cry with.. and Wendy lost her son Matt -- not long before my Dad died.. so she was good to be able to relax with for a minute -- and freely express my feelings about death and Dad.

 We talked about our losses.

  I wish Emma ( her daughter) could have been with us too.. but she was doing Hair!
 ( remember.. my cute Hairdresser?? )

I am so grateful for Wendy.. and told her that I feel like she and all of my blog friends and I were meant to find each other for one reason or another... and I totally believe it.

We inspire and strengthen each other in many ways.

***

 

After visiting Wendy... I headed by myself to the Festival of Trees.

 

This is something that I enjoy to do by myself.

 

I like to take my time.. go at my own pace.. and stop and adore trees that speak to me. 

LOVED this Mad Hatter tree.

 When I was little.. people thought I looked just like "Alice in Wonderland"

-- so I have always loved Alice. 

The cutest "Princess and the Frog" tree that I have ever seen.

My favorite tree and set up in the whole place.

 Of course it was Pink.  :)

It was sweet to see a tree was made for Sherri Winder.. a close family to ours growing up.

Sherri was like another Mother to me from about 1st grade to 5th grade. 

She died 3 months after my Dad did in a Auto accident.. and it was a sweet tribute to see how some of her friends represented and honored her life through this tree. 

Another favorite tree was for 2 missionaries that were killed in an Auto/bike accident. 

The tree skirt was made from all of the Elders ties -- that they collected.. and reading their story was so touching.  It said these Elders would always have " Eternal Ties" that bond them together.

The tie theme was beautiful.

I found my friend Melissa's tree -- almost last!  I was so proud of Melissa for doing this tree for her sweet daughter in law that took her own life on Christmas Eve.  I sat and read her story -- and the meaning behind each piece displayed... and was touched at the act of love that Melissa put forth to her sweet daughter in law. 

The trees were once again -- so creative and beautiful!

 I had to take a picture of the 3 white dresses.

 

All of the White is so beautiful.

***

 

After the Festival of trees.. I ran home.. changed for dinner.. and then Chad and I headed to Olive Garden with my Mom and Siblings.

 

It was such a NICE Dinner.. and SO good.  Mom really spoiled us.. and we all talked, laughed and reminisced about Dad.  I read mom my Facebook comments that people had written for Dad.. and we were all touched.. and teary-eyed.

 

After dinner... Mom had us all gather around her car.. and gave us each a gift for Dad's birthday.

 

The card on the present said:

 

Dear Ann and Chad,

 

On Dad's birthday we would like you to have a present to enjoy this Christmas.

 

I love you -- Mom + ( Dad )

We opened our boxes.. and each of us was gifted with one of my Dad's train sets.

It made me so happy to have this!  My whole childhood -- we always had big train tables set up with American Flyer and Lionel train sets.  Now.. I have another little "piece" of Dad to remind me of the Joys and memories of such happy times.

 

I was so grateful for my Mom.. and her generosity.

After our gifts.. we headed to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple to do a sealing session as a family.

 

It was so wonderful to have each of my siblings sitting in the room with my Mother.

 

I am sure this is the greatest Joy my Dad could feel and see for his Birthday.  -- To have each of his children.. and his sweetheart -- my Mom .. all together in the house of the Lord.

 

At one point in the Sealing.. I felt my Grandma and Grandpa Tenney in the room with us too.

 

Such a beautiful day.

Erin, Chad, Chris, Ann, Cathy, Eric, Mom, Jeff, Tim and Lora.

 

 

Today I am Grateful for:

 

A near perfect day yesterday.  Thank you Mom!

 

Eternal Families

 

All of the sweet notes and phone calls from family and friends yesterday.

 

Tenney -- babysitting so well.

 

The weekend!  Such happy things ahead!

 

The Killers Concert is tonight!!!!

 

I feel so excited and nervous.. I am sick to my stomach.

 

Hope all goes well.. and I can record a little bit of the concert  with my new phone! 

 

CRAZY EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!