Gratitude #35 -- End of Year Gratitude

I can't end the year without taking some time to express some Gratitude.

While this has been by far.. the hardest year of my life... it has been FULL of numerous blessings... and I have a very full and Thankful heart as I sit and think about the blessings that have come to pass in 2011.

These are in no particular order of importance... just what comes to my mind first.

(1)

I am Grateful I was able to Serve my Father.

This is without a doubt.. the greatest blessing that came to my life this past year.

To sit by his side and learn from him.

To feel his spirit

To Tend to his needs

To see him smile as I walked in the room.. waiting for me to read Great Grandma Mary's history to him each day.

To lay by him...to hold his hand and tell him how much I love him.

This whole experience changed me.  Refined me.

I went through some of the hardest times I can think of.. watching someone I love so very much.. suffer in pain.  I went into Chemotherapy sessions and hospitals.. ( which are VERY hard for a hypochondriac and a germaphobe. )

I was a Nurse of sorts.

And the experience has made me less "Anal" about things.

I have learned to relax more.

I have learned that I can do more than I thought I was capable of.

I will never forget my precious time with Dad.  Ever.

(2)

I am Grateful for Answered Prayers and Miracles.

While our prayers were not answered for our Father to be healed... our Father in Heaven blessed us in more ways than I can express.

We received a witness that he was needed on the other side.

Cathy and baby Cumorah were healed.

Jeff made it to Utah.. not only to see my Father before he passed... but to be able to serve him as a Nurse and Doctor as well.  To spend some time with him.

Dad was healed enough to give every single one of us a blessing..even little Cumorah.

Dad was able to hold Cumorah.

All of us were able to be with Dad as he passed away.

I will never forget the most sacred and spiritual experiences we all had together -- the weekend before my Fathers passing.  The holiness and peace that surrounded us we will never forget.

It was as if.. we were in the Temple.  It was that holy.

(3)

I am Grateful for Friends and Family

I feel a greater love than I ever have experienced before with the relationships I have with people now.  Words can't express the "deep" love and concern I feel for others.

I feel fortunate to be surrounded by so many Angels.. whom have been close to the spirit.. and helped me and my family in more ways than I even knew we needed help with.

I feel fortunate to have had many heartfelt talks.

To have cried with many of you.

I have been blessed by comforting words through the Internet -- by comments on my blog.. and e-mails.. and letters in the mail.

Friends have cooked many meals and babysat for me so I could tend to Dad.

Friends have prayed for our family... cried with us... and given us hope and strength.

We have felt all of the prayers.

We are... and will always be abundantly grateful.

(4)

I am Grateful for my Husband Chad.

I love Chad more now than I ever thought possible.

He has served my Father, his parents, and my siblings this whole year.

He never complains.

He always shows me love.. and tells me how much he loves me.

He has many of my Dear Fathers qualities... and I thank the Lord that I was blessed enough to have such a man in my life.  Words cannot express my love for him.

(5)

I am Grateful for a Loving Heavenly Father

He loves each of us.

He has given me strength when I have needed to stand.

He has shown me more tender mercies and blessings than I can count.

He is helping me and my Mother and Siblings along this Grieving process.

Everything good comes from him.

I bear witness that he is VERY real.  He knows each of us.. and desires for us to be happy.

He is our Father... and he will never abandon us.

****************

Today I am Grateful for:

A New Year

My Children

Humility

Tender Mercies

That there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS much to be Thankful for.

Christmas Presents Galore.....

Some of our favorite things this Christmas.....

 

The kids spoiled their Mommy! 

 They were just as excited for me to open their gifts.. as they were to open up their own. 

 Mary Caroline gave me this beautiful plate... and I picked out the candlesticks for Chad to give to me.  hee-hee

I more than LOVE this church that my friend Emma gave me. 

It is so charming and beautiful.

I wish they still made churches these days -- as they did in days of old.

My Mom gave me an old copy of "Jane Eyre"  -- just as I hoped for. 

It even smells like an old book store... and has yellowing pages.

Squuuuuueeeeeee!!!!!

My brother Chris drew my name for Christmas... and gave me this old chair that used to belong to his wife's Great Grandmother.  

 What a treasure indeed!  ~ And he also gifted me with a new Disney pin. 

Happiness!!!!

Santa actually remembered to bring a gift to the kitties this year... and they were in Heaven Christmas morning with all of the new toys, and the extra wrapping paper and ribbon laying around.

I LOVE Surprising my Family!!!

My amazingly talented friend Deanne was kind enough to  share her talents with me once again and made a denim quilt for each of my children.  Chad knew about the gifts... but I was sneaky.. and had one made for him as well. 

 The blankets have been one of the most favorite gifts this year!!

Tenney was oh so happy that Santa brought her Kanani ( The American Girl of the year ) for Christmas.  I love that she still wants to play with dolls.. since she is growing up much too fast for my liking.

She also enjoyed getting Epic Mickey for the Wii... and clothes.

Grandma Wright spoiled Tenney with a whole box of Nancy Drew books.

Tenney's favorite movie is Nancy Drew.. and she can't get enough of the mysteries...

Mary Caroline got her first American Girl doll.. Julie!

She is thrilled to have her own that Tenney isn't in charge of.... and also enjoyed getting a little baby doll set from Grandma Hendrickson and Toy Story wii from Santa.

 

Christian is swimming in Lego's this Christmas.

  Lots and Lots of Lego's.

He also enjoyed getting a mini remote control Helicopter like his Dad... and a new Football.

Chad received 4 new Westerns. He loves old Cowboy movies.

 He is in love. 

 He also enjoyed New Clothes and money from both of our parents. 

 We hope to get to Disneyland this year... so we are saving!

My Mom gifted Chad with " Sevier Stake Memories " an old book that has many pictures of Chad's Families History. 

We asked my Dad to look for this book about 5 years ago.. and he found it. 

We love old books filled with our Ancestors!  ♥

***************

The greatest surprise of Christmas... came from my Chad.

He was so sneaky... I opened the present in such shock... I couldn't even say anything. 

I just sat and cried.

Chad snuck and edited the first 2 years of my blog and printed them out into 2 journals.

This was a huge task.. since I had some old posts that were video -- that needed to be deleted and add pictures in it's place.  I have wanted to do this forever... but life just doesn't slow down enough for me to do things like this...

It is amazing! 

 I still can't believe he pulled this off. 

Is there a word better than awesome? 

 Because that's what it is.

I have been going through the books... and more than ever I feel grateful that I have journal ed my life through blogging for the last 4 years. 

Even the silly "tagged" posts that I used to do all of the time tell all about me.

I wish I had books like this on everyone I love... and have loved.

It made me grateful that I have blogged.

It made me realize that I need to blog for me... and tell things as I would like... and not care about what others think of me.

I have been "extra" careful the past 2 years about the way I say things.. and normally before.. I wouldn't have wanted to document what my kids and I received for Christmas... because I worry to much about what others will think... but after this Christmas gift... I now realize that I need to do what I want to... and say what I want to.

 The end.

Everyone starts a blog for different reasons.. but my reason is to journal.

My blog has never been about advertising.. or getting "numbers" to my site.

I love that I have made friends while doing it.. and I treasure my friendships.

Each time we have been asked to advertise or add buttons... Chad and I have discussed it.. and decided on the "no." 

I like to be and stay --more personal.

******

Today I am Grateful for:

My blog friends that have been with me since I started back in 2008.  You have a special place in my heart -- sticking through these years with me... and commenting.... becoming my friends.

Christmas decorations are down.  It's a weird year.  I wasn't feeling it.

My brother Chris for taking down the Christmas lights yesterday.

Having my children home with me this week.  I love my kids with me.

Giving and Receiving

Little Liam's Heart Surgery went well.

Attending the Funeral for Aunt Vivian this morning.

Lots of tears... and a very sacred experience.

The sad part of Christmas 2011

Are you lost or Incomplete?

Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?

- Coldplay

I have always believed in being real. 

I have an Allergy to Fake people... and while I try to be honest in all that I say and do.. I have noticed that there have been more than a few times this year that I have had to put on a fake smile.. and try to act cheerful.. even though it's not how I TRULY feel inside.

I have been Fake -- many a times.

I made it through Thanksgiving really well... so I thought  surely I could handle Christmas too.

I believe I was a little arrogant.

There has been happiness during this Christmas Season.. but there has also been a great heavy-ness as well.

I miss my Dad.

  A lot.

Today.. I am going to share some of my Sad thoughts... and tomorrow.. some joy.

****

I often long to be with my Mom and siblings.. then, when we do get together... it hurts.... because it is evident that we are missing one of our favorite people.

Some people have asked me " Why don't you pretend that your Dad is just in Russia again?"

Um... it's VERY much not the same.  I could CALL and talk to Dad in Russia.

There was a blessing of comfort.. because my family was not with me.

Some people when grieving -- may  do things like this... but I am still struggling to figure out how to make a "new life" without Dad here.   -- In a real way.  No falsies. 

It's soooo hard.

****

My Sister in laws Danielle and Lora made each of us a DVD with some video they took of Dad sharing some thoughts about his life, family and bearing testimony.. and then had many pictures from his life and funeral. 

Last night... I had a "time out" and made myself  some alone time just to see Dad and cry.

It was very therapeutic... and I am grateful to them for such a kind gift.

After the video.. I was in the Kitchen cleaning up.. and Chad came in with a Hug and an

" I love you. "

It was one of those moments that I felt an "overwhelming" sense of gratitude for Chad... that he is much like my Father with his many talents... and generous ways.

 I felt grateful that I chose to be his Eternal companian.. as we have been through sooo much together... and have become closer and more in love with each other  through our trials.

Before Chad left the room... he stopped and said to me:  " I really miss him too."

I don't know why that brought me comfort... but it did.

I am grateful that Chad and my Dad had a great relationship.

  Very grateful.

*******

I woke up to an excited Tenney Christmas morning begging to go out and see what Santa brought the Family.  As I forced myself to wake up... the first thing I saw was the Chandelier my Dad gave me last year hanging over my bed. 

  If you have not seen that post.. you can read the story here.

I felt great warmth. 

This is why I am sentimental over "things."

*****

My Dad LOVED Christmas. 

 Maybe not as much as his Birthday or Fathers Day.. but nevertheless.. he loved to Give... and he loved to receive... and I wish we could bottle the passion, excitement and happiness that oozed from him.

I missed him so much this Christmas.

On Christmas afternoon...  our little family headed over to the cemetery to pay respects to Dad.

It was the first time we had all been there together since they had put the headstone in.

It was extra sad seeing it.

Is your name on a headstone?

 Never thought this would happen so early in my life.

As I stood there... the thought came to me... that even though his headstone is BEAUTIFUL and perfect... I wished there was some sort of plaque expressing the greatness of the man that was buried here.

But no.  Just simple and plain. 

Nothing extraordinary... even though he was.

There has been much sadness surrounding this holiday.

Worry about baby Liam Wampler.

My Dad's Aunt Vivian passing away Christmas Eve.

Lots of sickness and hospital stays.

Our first Christmas without Dad

But.... with all of the sad...

This has caused their to be more focus on the TRUE meaning of Christmas.

The Savior.

And for this... I feel humbled and grateful.

Today I am Grateful for:

Pure Grieving.  The greater the heartache.. the greater I have loved.

Songs on the radio that can express some of what I can't say

Happy Children

Friends and Families love and support through mourning/grieving

Faith that I will see my Dad again one day

Tis the Season to be Emotional....

This year I have tried EXTRA hard to be more Joyful and happy during this season.

I like to make lists.

I like to have a plan.

I like to be prepared.. and I hoped to keep the week before Christmas stress free and relax with my family and enjoy the season the best we could..without Dad.

But sometimes... all plans fail.. and everything doesn't happen the way you want it too.

And then if you are like me.. you have a pity party.

************* 

Saturday was our family testimony meeting.. and it was fabulous.

Cathy was once again.. super generous and thoughtful.. and presented an ornament to all of us.

It is for sure my favorite ornament. 

We all gathered together...

Ate lots of goodies...opened a present--shared testimonies and cried much.

We went through a whole box of tissues.. and I am sure most of it was just me.

I felt Dad with us once during the night... and it made the night almost perfect.

**************

Since Saturday..... it has been a LONG week.

Chad stated last night that it has felt like the LONGEST week ever. Without getting into detail.. and sharing things on the Internet.. that I cannot.. I will just say.. that things have been very, very hard.

2 close family members were in the ER  Saturday/ Sunday.

To add to that....My Uncle is in Intensive care... and Chad's Grandmother is in the Hospital with Pneumonia.

I thought THESE things were ENOUGH to stress about.. but no.

I received a call Monday morning -- with not so happy news that led me to do some "deep cleaning" of all of my toys, dress up, and washing almost every pillow and blanket in the house.

I also spent a great deal of time on the Internet googling about something I had no idea about...and calling my Doctor to answer questions I had.

I used an entire bottle of Tide ( laundry detergent )

When Mary Caroline woke up Tuesday -- throwing up.. this is when I had my largest pity party.

I stayed in bed.

Seriously??  What else???

I started to think that the "count down" to Christmas was going to be filled with sadness, worry, heartache, gloom and never ending laundry each day.

I didn't do my make-up.. get dressed... or make food for 3 days.

Instead...Mary and I watched over 20 Christmas movies.

***************

TENDER MERCIES.

My friend Heather called me Tuesday morning and told me she had made some Sugar Cookies.. and wanted to bring some by.  I seriously couldn't believe my ears.  Sugar cookies + happy news???

I told her of the "private" situations that had been occurring in our life.... and told her if she did come out to my home... to just leave the cookies and run.

I was afraid if she stayed.. she might catch our "bad luck."

A few hours after our chat... the door knocked and Heather was not only bearing Sugar Cookie gifts... but a brand new bottle of Tide Detergent.

I wept.

Heather cried.

I hugged my friend and thanked her much for being "in tune" all of the time.

And I sat down and ate a cookie.. and it never tasted so good.

I wonder if my Dad had something to do with this service.

The thought crossed my mind.

I am not sure.. but I am so grateful for Heathers heart that is always willing to serve.

I will never forget it.

I almost hated to open up the bottle... because it was so special.

************

Wednesday was the first day I got dressed and headed out of my home.

It felt good to be out in the sunshine... and off delivering the last of my gifts.

I stopped by my friend Emma's home.. and her mom (my friend) Wendy is there visiting from Canada for the holidays.

Wendy and I sat and had a little heart to heart.

We cried... and It felt good to hug her after all of the times we have written ((hugs)) to each other on our blogs.

Wendy lost her son a little over a year ago.. and we sat and cried together over our heartache.

I am Grateful for friends that have come into my life through blogging. 

 I truly believe it is for more reasons that we "have found each other " than we even realize.

Some of us just don't know why Yet.

After Wendy's... I took another gift to my friend Aimee's house.

She lost her Mother in September... and I wanted to deliver the book and a hug to her.

There was no answer.. so I left the book.

I headed to Kohl's.. to buy the last present that I needed.. and who did I happen to see there?

Aimee.

What are the chances.  Seriously.

I hugged her... and told her of the book I left.. and we went on our way.

I got in the car.. and realized that -- I was just given a tender mercy.

I was able to hug her like I wanted to.

*************

As I laid in bed last night... I was thinking all about this very hard year.   How much I have learned.  How much closer I feel to my Savior..  How much I have had to be "taught" and humbled... and even though we have been through very dark days... there have also been NUMEROUS miracles and Tender Mercies.

Maybe I needed these trials during this week to keep our family focused on what this season is truly celebrated for...

The Savior.  The light of the World.

Today I am Grateful for:

Our dear friends that brought over breakfast for Christmas morning.

Leah's phone call last night.

Happy Mail

Tender Mercies

Emma in Norway.

Keeping up on Traditions....

I love this time of year!!

I love gathering with family and friends often...

Happy mail everyday...

Baked treats...

Neighbor gifts...

And of course ....Traditions.

One of my children's favorite Christmas traditions is reading a different Christmas book each night to the kids.

We have so many books in our house.. I seriously could run my own mini library.

Kinda funny for a gal who doesn't LOVE to read often huh??

Anyways... the first 8 days.. the reading was going great! 

 The kids love it so much.. I was bribing them to " Hurry and get ready for bed.. so we could read."

And they would hurry.

Well... this last week.. with all of the busyness... and late nights.. some of those days were missed.. and not only did the kids miss them... but I missed them as well.

Soo.. last night.. I made up for it.. and we read a book for all of the days missed.

I am not sure who loved it more... the kids or I.

Almost all of my books are like new... and I buy them at the Thrift store.. so if you like this tradition.. it's easy to do!   ~ And it will probably be one of your children's favorites too...

Another Tradition we have had is letting the children each buy a new ornament for the year.

We went shopping on Wednesday night.. and the kids had a harder time picking one out this year.. than previous years.  By the time we checked out... I was wondering if I really wanted to keep this tradition up.  It was a great reminder to why I never take all of my children shopping together.

It was maddening.

Maybe as they get older.. it will be better??

Happy children with their new 2011 ornaments...

Mary has a "Doodlebug" ( she LOVES to doodle and draw so it fits! )

Tenney has a Cat ( of course ) hanging from a wreath

Christian has a marshmallow man fishing. 

Christmas cards are mailed.

After today.. all neighbor gifts will be passed out.

I feel much more calm having those things finished.

Now.. onto 2 more traditions.

Saturday night is our family "testimony meeting" here at my house.

It's going to be our first without Dad physically here... but I can bet that Dad WILL be there with us.. as we express our hearts to the Lord.

I look forward to it.

And... remember my other tradition I do with the letters to my children?

After this year.. I have never felt it to be more important.

Take time for those you love.

THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON  I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

Love

A Testimony of God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ

Family and Friends

Forgiveness

Kindness

Happy Weekend Everyone!

Our Halls are Decked!!

Deck the Halls with Roses, white and Pink.....

Fa la la la la la.  la la la la

Of course the Christmas picture of my Dad and I at Christmas when I was little--- sits front and center this year.  I have loved placing old photos from long ago Christmases throughout my house..

Remember the old wire tree I found at DI a few years ago?

 This year I finally "blinged" it up with old broken lamp shade crystals and chandelier pieces.

 Tenney begged to have it in her room.. so there it sits in all it's beauty.

.... And yes... I do have Christmas red in my house as well. 

 It's dressed in the Kitchen.

This Vintage Snowman and Santa sat in the windows of my South Jordan Canal Road home when I was a child.  I love them so much.. and they bring back happy memories.

Chad's parents had these Nativity boxes made for us one year.  We love the boxes and the "story" shared inside.. and look forward to reading it each year...

We love the "reminders" all around as to the true meaning of this blessed Holiday.

Today I am Grateful for:

The Amazing Dream I had about Dad last night. It woke me up with such a "force" that I decided  to write it all down on a pad really quickly so I wouldn't forget things... and I did just that -- at 5:30 a.m.  I then couldn't sleep as I laid there dissecting and pondering it. 

  I have decided to start a journal about the times I dream of Dad.  There have only been 2 so far since his death.. but the have been profound.  I have cried much this morning...and feel as though I have been given a great gift just in time for Christmas.....

Over the Weekend....

We had ourselves a Break!!!

It was welcomed after much sickness in our home.

My friend Morgan was so kind to take the 3 kids Friday night and give us some alone and shopping time. 

We started the evening off at McGrath's.. and we had a coupon for their Lobster Fest.

Once again.. I was in love with the seafood.

It seems like a tragedy that I have only had seafood twice since Dad's passing.

I need to be kinder to myself. :)

We then finished up some shopping. 

Chad was SUCH a good sport.. as shopping, --especially in an Antique store is not exactly "relaxing" or "Fun" to him.. but I guess we both were craving a long overdue date night... and time alone together...so it was worth it.

It was a welcome break... as by Saturday night.. Chad started up with another Gall Bladder attack.

Boooo!

I HOPE we can make it to the New Year before it has to be removed! :(

**********

I have felt so much gratitude lately for so many people in my life.

I have a renewed appreciation for my good friends.

I feel like my Father in Heaven knew how much I would need people..especially this past year-- and he blessed me greatly.

My heart is full this holiday season.

If only I had the time to write each person that I love --- and tell them how much they have truly helped me and brought me comfort this past year.

*********

Saturday night I was finishing up my Gospel Doctrine lesson ( Sunday School ) and I came across something that I had no clue about.  I was sooo nervous to teach about it.. when I had never heard anything about it.  What if I get weird feedback and and comments??

I worry a lot with this as a Gospel Doctrine teacher...

I panicked and went to call my Dad ( like I used to often and get his opinion and thoughts )

and then I felt so foolish that it has been almost 6 months.. and I still forgot that he isn't there.

I am a creature of habit.

I felt sad.. and then called my brother Tim.

I even called him late.. and he was kind and gave me his thoughts.

Thank goodness for family.

It made me realize how very much I am still-- in great "shock" 5 months afterwards.

I am grateful Tim was there to help me.. and I didn't even have to address that part in the lesson that had me worried... because we didn't even get that far in the lesson in class.  *Phew*

I taught my last New Testament class yesterday.. and felt sad as I have so enjoyed reviewing the Teachings and Life of Jesus Christ. 

I do admit though... I look  forward with great excitement to this upcoming year studying

the Book of Mormon.

**********

I love this Season! 

 Much  Service is  given and received...

Christmas cards ( happy Mail daily! )

Lots of Family and Friend Gatherings...

We have lots of Cocoa, Soups and Baked goods this month

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!

*********

Are you finished decking your halls?

Just in case you are not... I want to leave you with a little outside decorating tip:

If you like Glitter and sparkle like I do.. and you want your house to sparkle a little in the daytime.. just had some sunshine and "Shiny Christmas balls"

It adds sparkle to any wreath or garland.. and you save a little extra on electricity!

It's simple and beautiful!

Hope you all have a Happy week!

Today I am Grateful for:

Mint hot cocoa, Warm Pj's and Fuzzy slippers.

Health.

Morgan.. for your help this weekend.  Very Grateful.

The Tenney family Christmas party last night.  I love my Family!

The Temple.  My peace sanctuary.

Family Pictures and Christmas Cards...

The most wonderful time of the year!

Once again.. one of my favorite photographers Kris ( from KD Portraits ) took some amazing family photos for us this year.

I chose the location of "Wheeler farm" because of the old houses and Vintage look.

We had MANY great photos.. and it was hard to choose just 5... but this is what we decided on.

My favorite family

Tenney Marie = 10 going on 16

Handsome Christian....Proof that he CAN hold still.

Miss cutest Mary Caroline

I love my little family.. I love Christmas cards... and I am thrilled to finally be sending some out this weekend!

What I didn't love... creating them yesterday with Chad.

I am just too picky for my own good.

I pretty much "settled" on something and wasn't in LOVE with anything.

I guess I need to hire a skilled personal designer.

Why do I have to have such unique and expensive taste??

I need to plan MUCH earlier and better next year.

Remind me.

Just kidding.

If you want a Christmas Card... and have had an address change.. or do not normally comment.. message me your address at annban10@gmail.com.

Have a Happy Weekend!!

Today I am Grateful for:

Rest.

Cheesy Heartfelt Christmas movies

The school bus. My Gas tank, time and stress level have been much better!

The weekend. Even though plans fell through.. I am determined to make it great!

Kris ( KD Portraits ) for your talent and Photography/Editing Skills.....