" The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.
Beautiful people do not just "happen".
Growth can come in unexpected ways.. from the nooks and crannies of our life's experiences.
In death and grief we do not need so much protection from painful experiences as we need the boldness to face them. We do not need as much to be tranquilized from the pain as we need the strength to conquer it. If we choose to love...we must also have the courage to grieve."
~ Roy Nichols
THIS IS A MUST READ.
My ward member friend who has helped me through this grieving journey told me I NEEDED to read this book by Deanna Edwards. She said it helped more than any other book on grieving.
I had never even heard of Deanna Edwards... but I guess she sings songs.. and has helped thousands of people through their journey with mourning and grief.
Even though I am not a reader... in desperation.. I read.
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As I turned the pages... It was as if I was in my very own Herbal Essences commercial.
I found myself wanting to proclaim: Yes! yes! Yes! as I read all about grief... and found myself to be completely NORMAL. ( I know.. what's normal? haha)
Yay! I am not crazy!
The chapters include:
1- What is Grief?
2- What is grief Work?
3- The process of Grief
4-What does Grief Feel like?
5-Is it Okay to cry?
6-How do I know when I am healing?
7- Should we include the children?
8-How do I help a loved one?
9-How can we create with Grief?
10-The Promise
I have read this book twice now.
I highlighted it throughout.
It seriously has brought me ultimate comfort.
Even though the majority of the book deals with Grief from Death.. it does talk about grief in any way, shape or form such as: Divorce, physical disability, and unfulfilled dreams.
I wish every person in the world could read chapter 8.
It should be printed in Relief Society President's manuals.
Seriously.
In chapter 8...Deanna lists things you shouldn't say to a person whom is grieving..
and you know what?? I was horrified to see that I have said all but a few.. to people.
When she explained why.. I understood.. and felt bad for my mistakes.
She also shares WHAT to say.. and HOW to comfort.
It is simply amazing.
~ After reading the book for the 2nd time.. my heart was so full of love for Deanna.. I wanted to write her and tell her how comforted I was from her book. So.. I googled her.. and found that she died in December 2010. Nooooo!!!!
I googled her obituary.. read it.. and grieved for her.
She has probably helped Millions through the Grieving process.
What a charitable woman.
So very, very grateful for her.
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Tired of the Grieving posts?
Me too.
They are Heavy.
I look forward to getting back with life.
Learning to accept the sadness... but look for the joy.
I am sure there will be more posts in the future.. just not all together.
Please continue to be patient with me.. in my travels through it.
Today I am Grateful for:
Deanna Edwards.
Growing, Learning and Experiencing each day...
Dinner with good friends Saturday night
Good examples in my life
Continued Strength
12 comments:
Ann, just got done reading all of your posts on grieving. Thanks for being so honest. I know that through sharing your feelings you are helping others-and hopefully yourself too. I think and pray for your family often. Can't wait to see you soon! Hopefully Twilight will be a fun distraction. :)Love you!
Someone gave me that book when my brother passed away almost 14 years ago. I pulled it out and reread Chapter 8--so important, so very true.
Grief is such a funny animal. Once ya think you've got it conquered something triggers ya at the oddest times.
Take rest in knowin' it does get better sweetie.
God bless and have a beautiful week!!! :o)
I read many books on grieving after my husband suddenly died 15 years ago...and this one helped me the most. I've given several copies away since then.
I have always loved Deanna Edwards. I have seen the book, but never picked it up. Thanks for the recommendation.
I am so glad that you found a book that has so profoundly affected you. I think you have been wonderful to journal your grieving. I think it may be healing.
You may have some tough days ahead with the holidays, it seems like your family is so FAMILY oriented that everything is celebrated together. It's OK, and you are a wonderful daughter to your mom.
Hugs my friend.
Thanks for your honesty Ann. I really admire how open you are. Love to you...
Oh, I have to read this book. I will try to find it.
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Marianne.
Ann, I have this book like you ....For me, MANY MANY MANY late nights has this been a constant companion. I wish SOOOO wish that the everyone could read the chapter on what NOT to say.
I did a Relief Society fireside on grief and i found a few messages on the church web site that expresses things for people not to say. How to simply let a person grieve.
I'm ashamed to say i didn't think to share this book with you but I'm so glad a dear one did.
XOXOXOX Friend! Love, me.
Oh my sweet friend! I have been MIA from the blog world and just today and getting caught up on the ones I care most about. I have spent the last several minutes reading through all the grief posts and my heart hurts for you. And I have to be honest for me too. I have since learned as you have, that we can go for awhile functioning and dealing with life as normal. But after awhile, the pain catches you. The longer you put it off, the more painful it is. I too, have been on a journey of reading books, and trying to find peace and comfort with ANYTHING! It's coming, but I know, like you, it is a process. Good thoughts and prayers for you as you continue the journey!
xoxox
Hey Ann, this post was beautiful! Going through the process was so hard for me and sadly, I was stuck on much of it for too long. Now I look back and am so thankful for the lessons I learned and you will too. I promise.
I hated it when people would say to me 'what doesn't kill us makes us stronger' but darn it, they were so right.
I am so glad you were able to find the book that would bring you comfort.
sending love from here...
That sounds like such a helpful book to read when you've lost a loved one. I'm curious about what Chapter 8 says. I'm a sympathetic, empathetic person, but I often worry that I say the wrong thing to people who are going through the loss of a loved one. I will need to take a look at that! I hope you are feeling better. You are very much cared about and you remain in my thoughts and prayers.
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